The Monday Meltdown

It's time to melt it down again after another exceptional weekend filled with dinners, markets, hikes, and celebrations. The Pact is going really well and I haven't bought anything in the first week! I will admit that I almost made a last minute trip to Kohl's to hit up the LC Collection with my coupons but decided that really went against what I was trying to accomplish. I also realized that I have PLENTY of shirts to wear while I am away from my full wardrobe. Plus I have a sneaky suspicion that I am going to have some duplicates once my clothes arrive in SD. Sticking to the Pact has felt great and I am one step closer to living more simply. 

I have been reading more into cultured vegetables in the Body Ecology Diet by Donna Gates and really got into that this weekend. My teacher for the Yoga of Food also raved about cultured veg! What exactly are cultured veggies? Well basically saukeraut without the preservatives, definitely not the stuff you typically put on your brats. And what are the benefits? There are tons including; putting good bacteria back into your digestion system, improving digestion, increasing longevity, controlling cravings for sweets, and cleansing. Typically I put a spoonful or two of the kraut into whatever I am eating. The kraut with the cultures will always be found in the refrigerated section so the stuff can live. I did however go overboard on the fermented foods as I think it will take me quite some time to eat three jars of it. I plan to pack an arsenal of healthy foods as I head across the country so this won't go to waste. You can also make cultured veggies on your own but I will leave that until I am in my own kitchen. So far I have felt great and with one eighth of a jar down and two more to go I will be able to give a full report on the benefits soon! 

I am also starting an Ayurvedic Cleanse this week! Talk to any sort of nutrionist or dietician and they will tell you spring is the best time to cleanse and get those toxins out! Ayurveda is unique in that it works with your body type or dosha (check out a dosha quiz here to find yours...http://doshaquiz.chopra.com). Everytime I have done one of these quizzes, I have been labeled a Pitta. My clense includes a one hour consultation so it will be interesting to see what a trained professional tells me. Again putting this out to the blog world to hold me accountable! 

There's the meltdown. I will leave you with two pictures. The first is of Lila and I hiking in the area. And the second, a picture from my brother's graduation celebration. He graduated this weekend from Ohio State with his Masters in Nuclear Engineering. I really don't know what his major means but I know it means he is damn smart! 

Also, don't forget that May is Brain Tumor Awareness month... please think about a way you might be able to support the cause as there is so much research that needs to be done to fight this awful beast!

namaste,

Melissa 

Wednesday Widow Thoughts...

As an old friend and I were chatting (otherwise know as drinking some wine) she asked me how I was doing with everything. In my recent posts I have been busy commenting, blending, and yoga-ing and haven't really commented on where I am at in my widow world so here goes...

Things are definitely changing. The good days are outnumbering the bad and when I fall into a slump I can usually pull out of it more quickly and without as much turmoil. This may also be due in part to the way that I am living. Without the daily worries of maintaining a home and going to work, life can be a lot less stressful. Or perhaps it's due to my new perspective and realizing that this too shall pass. Being in different surroundings has also helped. I don't think I knew just how hard it was to live in our home until I moved out. There a lot of things at play who knows which is helping and which is not, I am just thankful that it's working.

The trip didn't magically turn me into a new person without grief and I certainly still think of Matt often. Yesterday I walked by a sports shop with a sale and thought I should stop in to see if they had any of his team stuff on discount. Yep, this still happens. These thoughts are few and far between but it still happens and it still hurts when I realize that I don't need to buy anymore Wisconsin gear. Yesterday I had a bad dream or nightmare really with Matt in it. I don't want to go into the details as it upsets me. I do know that I somehow willed myself to go back to sleep to try to change the outcome of the nightmare. When I finally woke, I wrote the dream down as quickly as possible to get it out of my head and away from me forever. 

So Matt and the loss is still very much a part of my everyday life. Do I sit around crying all the time? No. This probably wasn't ever my way of dealing but the crying in general has subsided. The grief has transformed into a part of me. It's every where I go and in everything I do. Starting my practice in Bali every morning thanking Matt has really helped me. I am feeling much better on a daily basis but as a widow, I feel bad for that. I know what you are going to say, don't feel bad you have every right to go on and live a full and happy life. I know that. I damn well know that but ask any widow and they know this feeling. The feeling that when you are driving down the street with the windows down the sun pouring in thinking, wow this is a great moment, I am in a good place. And then it hits you. You fool! You can't be in a good place because he isn't here. So I am working through this. There is no way to get rid of it, it just is. The fact that I dedicated my days in Bali and that I now dedicate how I am going forward with my yoga practice, my blog, my writing, my life, my perspective helps a lot. 

So again, I thank you Matt for allowing me to become the person that I am right now because I wouldn't be here without you. I only wish you could see the person I am today minus the green smoothies you would hate that. 

Namaste,

Melissa 

The Monday Meltdown

Not that I am having a meltdown but I think it's a good way to sum up Mondays  even when you are unemployed! Although I had a great weekend including family, friends, 5Ks, and amusement parks... Mondays always seem to bring me back to reality. While there are lots of things on the list as I prepare to move across the country there is one goal that has really got me thinking... 

While in Bali, I lived a pretty simple life. There was no primping due to the high heat. I didn't have a lot of clothes because I was limited to one bag. I didn't wear a lot of jewelry because that just got in the way during yoga. I did buy a lot of gifts but those were typically more Bali-esque type trinkets and weren't all for me. 

The fear of my stuff arriving in California is also lurking. The process of moving and packing was awful and emotionally draining. I did the best I could to declutter but in the end I was exhausted. I know that there will be more work to be done once the semi pulls up to my new place and no the semi isn't just my stuff! 

When I got back to the US and headed to New York I quickly found myself in consumption mode again. This was some what out of necessity as I forgot about the season of spring. I have all my heavy duty winter gear and my minimal hot weather wear, the rest is in storage hopefully safe and sound. I needed a few things but the trendsetting energy of NYC fueled my purchasing power. 

So for May... I will not be purchasing ANY more clothing items. This is to include; shirts, tops, jeans, capris, shorts, jewelry, workout clothes, and Zumbawear. I am granted one purchase, a dress, for a wedding and my brother's rehearsal dinner. I swear I really don't have any dresses here with me! Not only will this get me back to reality that I don't really need that much, it will save me more than the money on shopping. On my way out of Chicago, the Audi was packed to the brim. There was even a last minute purge to fit everything, some junk man hit the jackpot that day. I am already over capacity and will have to ship items to Cali once I finally find a destination. 

A true Yogi lives as simply as possible for many reasons. While I don't think I will giving up my worldly possessions and wearing a burlap sack, I could do with less. Much less. So that's it, I am putting it out there... no more stuff in May! Stuff Free! My aunt is also taking this Spring Cleaning pact with me so we can hold each other accountable. I will keep you posted on how it goes... and feel free to check in to keep me honest!  

namaste

Melissa 

A Chicago I Never Knew

NPR is my favorite radio station especially on longer drives. As I drove home from the airport on Monday I tuned into my favorite NPR program, This American Life. I subscribe to the podcast and found an older episode to listen to, Harper High School, Part One.The program is broadcasted in Chicago so the city is frequently a topic of discussion. This particular episode and the following episode, Harper High School, Part Two, tells the story of the high school's staff and students during the course of the school year. Harper is located on the South Side of the city in Engelwood and is plagued by gang violence. Last year 29 students were shot at and 8 were killed. This is not the Chicago I knew. This is a Chicago I barely heard about. Violence is so commonplace on the South Side that it is rarely mentioned on the evening news. If this were to take place in a suburban middle class high school it would be national news. This is an everyday reality for these students. It was an eye opening story for me and also one of those stories that leaves me confused and wondering where I even begin.

The links to both stories are below. I would also recommend subscribing to the Podcast through Itunes. After doing a quick internet search to find the links to the episodes, I found a follow up article sharing that Michelle Obama visited the high school on April 10th to further her campaign to end violence amongst the youth in Chicago. 

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/487/harper-high-school-part-one

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/488/harper-high-school-part-two

Namaste,

Melissa 

The Widowed Yogi Diet

While in Ubud I ate very healthy. The options were amazing with tons of fruits and vegetables available picked daily. There were also many many healthy restaurants providing plenty of choices while eating out. As part of the training, we also had several lectures on the Yoga of Food by Alice Duzevich of Food Well Thought. These lectures were pulled from many disciplines offering many viewpoints including; Ayurveda, Taoism, Macrobiotics, Sattvic, Acid/Alkaline, and Blood Typ . With so many different theories to consider and plans to follow, it can be confusing. It's impossible to change everything in one day and to return from Bali a completely changed eater. I am doing the best I can and have made some serious changes in my diet. Below I have included a list of some of the things that I incorporated. Please note, I am NOT a dietician and I have NOT done extensive research on anything. This is simply what I do on a day to day basis and have found what works for me right now. I will give you the advice I was given during my course, take from it what you will. And if you find something that you are interested in, do some more research on it and find out what you can! 

Smoothies Smoothies Smoothies! This has been by far the biggest change for me. I drink my fruits and veggies! My large blender is packed away in a storage unit in Chicago so I picked up a Magic Bullet and started blending! This is the perfect size for one person and comes with blending cups so you can blend and go. I don't have set recipes, it's all about experimenting! I usually start the day with a banana, almond butter, raw cacao shake and have at least one green smoothie a day. A green smoothie for me contains spinach and some fruit. I have had a couple of pure green smoothies/juices that I like but they are few and far between. I find that the fruit component really makes them more tasty for me. I always use almond milk as the base, you can make your own or to save time and use the store bought stuff. And there are PLENTY of recipes on Pinterest to give you a start, check out some of my pinned recipes here... http://pinterest.com/thewidowedyogi/healthy-eats/

Apple Cider Vinegar Yum! I know sounds gross right? But it's not I promise! I drink a teaspoon in a full glass of cold water every morning. This leaves you with a slight hint of the sweet vinegar in your morning hydration. This can also be used to make dressing which I have yet to try but plan to. There are a ton of benefits that can be attributed to drinking apple cider vinegar and you can find the evidence all over the internet. Here is a good article that sums it all up... http://tinyurl.com/c3b94bf. This stuff is cheap so at about $2 a bottle, I am more than willing to give this diet trick a chance!

Eating close to the source! My cart at the grocery store is pretty much filled up by the time I leave the produce section. By the time I hit the bean aisle I am almost done aside for a few spices or specialty ingredients. I really wish I go to the farmer's market but spring hasn't quite sprung here in the midwest so that will have to wait. I cannot wait to shop all the Farmer's Markets in SD but I digress. Most of the recipes I have been trying since I have gotten back are vegan and include a lot of food processing. One of the greatest discoveries... making this simple healthy food isn't that difficult because there aren't a lot of ingredients or fancy cooking techniques, just letting the fresh food stand for itself. 

Soaking Seeds/Beans/Legumes is Cool! Since most of my recipes include beans or legumes, I have been buying a lot of them. In my course, the teacher discussed soaking before preparing. I was a little leery about the additional prep time but knew I was always grossed out by the cans and what the aluminum sides were leaking into my healthy meal. It takes a little pre-planning but even a quick soak can do the trick. So why do we soak? Per the Body Ecology Diet by Donna Gates, when our digestive tracts are weak it will not be able to break dow the phytic acid found in grains, beans, nuts, and seeds. Soaking removes the enzyme inhibitor. Every effort should be made to eat grain-like-seed meal each day. This adds fiber and helps stops cravings for carbs and provide vital nutrients. I don't know about all the scientific stuff but I do know beans make me feel fuller and if I soak them I can cook them withough the gooey stuff leaking from the can. 

I am a proud Choiceotarian! In an age where everyone has to label themselves as something, I am a Choiceotarian! When at home I typically eat vegetarian/vegan but cheese adds so much flavor that I just can't cut it out completely. I occasionally eat meat and find that I operate better eating meat every once in awhile. I typically try to eat meats that are organic farm raised and I like to know the source but that isn't always possible either. There are some restaurants that I will eat meat from and some that I will not. A quick five minute analysis of the place can determine that for me. I don't want to be stressed out when I go out to eat. I will make the best choice that I can but not stress about it if I eat something that I normally wouldn't. This takes all the fun out of dining with friends which I love! The other day I was craving pizza, so I ordered a veggie pizza and then the next morning got back on track with some apple cider vinegar water and smoothies. It's all about moderation and not depriving yourself of anything and making the best choices you can at that moment! 

Right now I am reading the Body Ecology Diet which was quoted earlier in this post. This book discusses how to restore and maintain your body's ecology needed to function properly and eliminate or control the symptoms that can wreak havoc on your life. I don't quite understand it all yet so I don't want to make any comments on it but I have already picked up a few new tricks including those mentioned above and hope to start incorporating fermented foods (besides Apple Cider Vinegar) into my diet. Another book I would recommend is AntiCancer. I read this awhile ago and it's also packed up in the storage unit so can't quote specifics but as you can guess, discusses how the foods we eat cause cancer. I read this while Matt was ill and it made a lot of sense to me. I encouraged Matt to read this book as well but he was really a meat and potatoes kind of guy. Which is another odd concept to me, I would never be eating like this if I was still cooking for Matt and myself. I found a lot of joy in cooking for us as a new family. After his death, I rarely cooked as it was too painful and depressing to prepare a meal for one. Finding a new way of eating and cooking has sparked the interest in me again while not digging through the recipes of my past. 

I hope this post gives you some new ideas to incorporate into your diet or at least something to look into. It's all about experimenting... seeing what foods upset your stomach or make you feel great! Try something new everyday! 

Namaste,

Melissa 

Be the Change You Want to See in the World

While in New York City this past weekend, I had the opportunity to visit the 9/11 Memorial. The memorial isn't quite finished but the two memorial pools are and construction has begun on the seven towers that will occupy this space. Perhaps you noticed the skyline pic in my last post which included a very tall building under construction, this is one of those towers . Like the rest of our country, I was horrified and sad after the events of 9/11. I understood the catastrophe in a new way after reading The Alchemy of Loss, a book about a 9/11 widow. After enduring my own loss and grieving, it was almost unbearable to think about all those that had to suffer through grief after the attack. Not only did they have to grieve the losses of their loved ones but they had to know that someone caused it and that is an emotion I couldn't begin to imagine. 

I felt especially emotional staring into the reflection pools after last week's tragic events in Boston. Yet another monumental act of hate and violence that is too much to comprehend. Lately, I have been taking a slightly delusional approach to news of such events. Most Americans sit glued to their televisions watching the suspects being chased down or listening to stories of the victims. I don't watch it and sometimes avoid the news programs altogether. I want to stay informed but typically choose to scan the internet to get the facts that I need. It's almost as if I can't even think about it.  

It's not only that but I don't know how to change it and it frustrates me. I also get this feeling when watching documentaries of how messed up the medical system, how awful the food is that we eat every day, or how we are destroying the planet. When things are seemingly such a mess, where does one begin? Then as I turn off the news or take a deep breath, I realize I am doing all that I can. I am living my life in an honest way enjoying the moments that I have with gratitude. I am not perfect but I try my best and really that's all we can do. We can't control anyone else's action the only option that we have is to lead by example. In the great words of Mahatma Gandhi, "Be the change you want to see in the world."

Namaste,

Melissa 

I'm Back!

And you didn't even know I was gone right? I returned from a long weekend in NYC visiting a friend yesterday. It was a lovely trip filled with lots of walking the New York City streets with blisters to prove it and checking out some of the current health trends. I even got to check out YogaWorks, a national teacher training program that has a few studios across the country including NYC. They have a 500 Hour Teacher Training program in San Diego which could be a possible next step in my yoga world domination but I better start teaching first! Check out some shots from NYC below...

Me on 60th Street

View of the city from New Jersey

Enjoying tulips in Tribecca

Lincoln Center

A walk thru Central Park

Lots of New Yorkers enjoying Central Park

NYC Tree Pose from Jersey

I was slightly mad to jump on a plane so soon after my 40 hour journey home but I wanted to visit my friend before I headed across the country. There is no time like the present! The first week back from Bali was spent adjusting and I am lucky that I had the time to do so. The weather was the biggest and most difficult change. Not to diss on the Midwest but it was cold and dreary here. Everything in Bali was so green and lush it was a major recalibration for my eyes. But spring is trying to push through here with a high weather prediction of 70 degrees today and due to my grandma's love of gardening her grass is looking very green! The other adjustment was food. I was used to eating so healthy and really enjoying it. When I got back all the preservatives and additives made me sick so I got to smoothie making very quickly. The fruit isn't quite as fresh but it will have to do for now. Can't beleive I almost forgot this change which was really the worst... the jet lag! I am all better now though if you consider being in bed by 9pm and up by 6am normal!

I have been a little overwhelmed since I got back. After learning so much and realizing there is so much out there, I didn't know where to start. I just wasn't sure which direction I wanted to go. I learned that you have to leave things up to God/the Universe (whatever you want to call that higher power) but at the same time you have to put some effort into it... where do you draw the line? I can't really start teaching because I need to teach in a place where I will live. My mom is going to be on a strict class regimen while I am home but that's about the best I can do on the teaching front for now. If there are any Daytonians that want yoga classes from yours truly please let me know! I have been putting a lot of thought into this and would really like to try this blogging/writing thing so I will be putting more time and effort into this as I chill in Ohio for a bit. Let's see where this goes... universe I might be taking the lead for awhile feel free to take charge at any time! 

Namaste

Melissa