had a great weekend and feeling pretty good since i loaded up on sleep yesterday but still... it's monday again...
Monday, July 28, 2014
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
san fran... i heart you
so i headed to san fran this week/weekend for work and play. i headed into my firm's san jose office on wednesday before heading downtown that evening and spending some QT in the city. i have a few friends in the city so i made some jam packed plans to visit with all of them in the day in a half that i had some free time. the last time that i was in the city by the bay was about seven and a half years ago...
matt had been working in SF on his consulting gigs and i planned to make a trip out to meet him. if i am honest, i knew something was up because he had made all the arrangements himself and had not asked a lot of input on trip planning from me. and well, if i am really honest, i may have snuck a peek at an email or two. i've never been one for suprises. i flew into SFO and took the Bart to meet him downtown. little did i know that where i was staying this trip was a couple of blocks from where we stayed in union square. as i drove by one of the famous artistic hearts just a few steps from my hotel, i realized that was where matt and I had posed for a photo op all those years ago. i defintily got choked up. it has been a long time since i felt a connection with a place with matt. this was a place i had only been with him so i couldn't help but be reminded of our time there together.
while i stayed in the city this trip to do some more exploring, matt and i's trip took a different turn. after staying in the city for only about a day and half, we headed down the PCH to big sur. on our drive is where he pulled over and proposed to me by a bench that we happened to stumble upon on the coast that had carved into it; "into her arms he dove to begin his new journey."
the trip bought back some wonderful memories. it had been a long time since i have been in place that reminded me so much of him and felt so much like our place. i had a great trip though; got a lot done for work and got to see many friends from different stages of my life. while i had enjoyed my stay in San Fran, some time in a hustling bustling city only helped reinforce i am exactly where i need to be right now. as soon as i got back to SD, i headed for the ocean and was even greeted by dolphins along my morning run today. welcome back to paradise!
namaste
Melissa
matt had been working in SF on his consulting gigs and i planned to make a trip out to meet him. if i am honest, i knew something was up because he had made all the arrangements himself and had not asked a lot of input on trip planning from me. and well, if i am really honest, i may have snuck a peek at an email or two. i've never been one for suprises. i flew into SFO and took the Bart to meet him downtown. little did i know that where i was staying this trip was a couple of blocks from where we stayed in union square. as i drove by one of the famous artistic hearts just a few steps from my hotel, i realized that was where matt and I had posed for a photo op all those years ago. i defintily got choked up. it has been a long time since i felt a connection with a place with matt. this was a place i had only been with him so i couldn't help but be reminded of our time there together.
while i stayed in the city this trip to do some more exploring, matt and i's trip took a different turn. after staying in the city for only about a day and half, we headed down the PCH to big sur. on our drive is where he pulled over and proposed to me by a bench that we happened to stumble upon on the coast that had carved into it; "into her arms he dove to begin his new journey."
the trip bought back some wonderful memories. it had been a long time since i have been in place that reminded me so much of him and felt so much like our place. i had a great trip though; got a lot done for work and got to see many friends from different stages of my life. while i had enjoyed my stay in San Fran, some time in a hustling bustling city only helped reinforce i am exactly where i need to be right now. as soon as i got back to SD, i headed for the ocean and was even greeted by dolphins along my morning run today. welcome back to paradise!
heart in SF with matt in jan 2007
the proposal site
"into her arms he dove to begin his new journey"
headstand in front of the golden gate this trip!
namaste
Melissa
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
yogi luv
need to remember this while traveling to san fran today... patience is a virtue!
namaste
Melissa
Sunday, July 13, 2014
another year another anniversary
i haven't written in awhile and as per usual, a lot has happened. first came the passing of another year as i turned 32. it was a wonderful birthday weekend sponsored by my special someone filled with laughter and love. with my bday so close to my anniversary of moving to SD, i had spent a lot of time reflecting on the past year then. on my birthday weekend, i was ready to let loose SD style filled with cocktails by the ocean, yoga, world cup soccer, and my childhood favorite... an ice cream cake!
then came the 4th of July. whenever we talk about living in the USA and the freedoms that we have, i can't help but think of the freedom that i was given during that first year of grief. i had the freedom to take some time off from work to let myself heal. and most importantly, i had the freedom to get up and move to wherever my heart desired. i know i take these types of freedoms for granted on a daily basis so it's nice to have a day to reflect on how good i really do have it.
and alas, another anniversary was upon me. my should have been 5 year wedding anniversary with matt. I think this was a significant one for me as i have now been without Matt for more wedding anniversaries then we were together which seems impossible. there were some nerves/emotions building up to the anniversary but these days i try not to get lost in it. i had quite a few nightmares this past week and some of them included matt leading to some restless nights. the day of, i woke well rested which i was very appreciative of. then it hit me... what day it was... what had happened five years ago today. i went to my usual morning routine of journaling and pulled out my journals from the past two years to see how far i have come. mostly it just seems unfair to me... that this wonderful man didn't have the chance to live out more of his life. that he couldn't be here married to the woman that he loved raising a family. it just isn't fair that this was taken from him. i had a hair appointment that day and was ready to be pampered but as i sat getting my hair shampooed, the lady next to me was complaining about everything in her life.... her kids, staying home with the kids, driving, being married, and everything in between. i had to restrain myself from saying something to her on this day when it felt those daily annoyances of life between matt and i had been stolen. so to celebrate our wedding anniversary... take a moment to relish in those daily annoyances that you share with someone... you never know when you will miss those with all of your being.
namaste
Melissa
then came the 4th of July. whenever we talk about living in the USA and the freedoms that we have, i can't help but think of the freedom that i was given during that first year of grief. i had the freedom to take some time off from work to let myself heal. and most importantly, i had the freedom to get up and move to wherever my heart desired. i know i take these types of freedoms for granted on a daily basis so it's nice to have a day to reflect on how good i really do have it.
and alas, another anniversary was upon me. my should have been 5 year wedding anniversary with matt. I think this was a significant one for me as i have now been without Matt for more wedding anniversaries then we were together which seems impossible. there were some nerves/emotions building up to the anniversary but these days i try not to get lost in it. i had quite a few nightmares this past week and some of them included matt leading to some restless nights. the day of, i woke well rested which i was very appreciative of. then it hit me... what day it was... what had happened five years ago today. i went to my usual morning routine of journaling and pulled out my journals from the past two years to see how far i have come. mostly it just seems unfair to me... that this wonderful man didn't have the chance to live out more of his life. that he couldn't be here married to the woman that he loved raising a family. it just isn't fair that this was taken from him. i had a hair appointment that day and was ready to be pampered but as i sat getting my hair shampooed, the lady next to me was complaining about everything in her life.... her kids, staying home with the kids, driving, being married, and everything in between. i had to restrain myself from saying something to her on this day when it felt those daily annoyances of life between matt and i had been stolen. so to celebrate our wedding anniversary... take a moment to relish in those daily annoyances that you share with someone... you never know when you will miss those with all of your being.
july 2009
making a nice dinner to celebrate our 1 year
2 year anniversary camping at the sand dunes state park in MI
july 11, 2013
namaste
Melissa
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
yogi luv
june gloom is in full effect here in SoCal. i remember waking up the day after i arrived here and it was cloudy. i freaked out and called my friend immediately who assured me it was just "june gloom". even though we have about 350 days of sunshine, those one or two that aren't still bum me out. nice to have an excuse to stay inside for the day though and finish my "orange is the new black" binging. off to phoenix tomorrow where there will be plenty of sun and heat!
namaste
Melissa
Monday, June 9, 2014
yoga for hope
saturday morning i had the pleasure of attending the 4th San Diego Yoga for Hope. i had heard about this via FB from a fellow yoga teacher who also happens to be a cancer survivor and eagerly recruited some friends to attend with me. big yoga events can often be a let down as it's incredibly difficult to lead such a large group and to keep things organized but this event proved them all wrong. they offered a discounted rate for teachers so i took advantage and signed up a few days before the event. attendees could also sign up on a team and set fundraising goals. i chose not to fundraise this time around as i had never been before and i usually try to do one big ABTA event a year and hate to hit up friends too many times a year.
i forgot to mention one of the best parts of this event! it was held at Petco Park! the Padres beautiful home field! i actually went to the game the night before so i was kind of dreading heading back down town early on a Saturday but i had made it an early night and rose early excited to start my day with yoga with a friend. upon arrival there were lots of booths giving the usual yogi freebies; water, granola bars, and essential oils. we got in just as the event started and were towards the back of the field but could see the stage via the jumbotron. several instructors who had coordinated the event spoke and shared their personal stories with cancer and what prompted to create the event. the top fundraiser was given an award bringing in a whooping $5000. then a beautiful women got up to speak about her cancer journey. i am not sure of the specific type of cancer she has but she has had to relearn how to walk and had multiple rods put in her to replace her femur bones. after recuperating from all of this she went on to complete half marathons and continue her yoga practice. she recently found out that she has to undergo more radiation due to the another tumor found near her foot. as the tears rolled down her cheeks, i don't think there was a dry eye in the place. this woman was truly inspirational for all that she has overcome and for getting up there to share her story when it was so very raw in her heart.
one of the most touching parts of the class came next. the speaker announced that she would be asking a series of questions and to start ringing your bell that we were given upon entry into the event when the question applied to you. she started by asking that those who were currently undergoing chemo/radiation ring their bell... those that were one year survivors... those that were two survivors... those that were five year survivors and on... and eventually invited everyone who had been touched by cancer to start ringing their bell. As you can imagine, the whole class was ringing their bell in unison.
shortly after we started a wonderful yoga class suitable for everyone and allowed for a great workout under the warm morning sun. i was thankful to spend this morning with a friend to raise money for cancer and support the yoga community that has all been affected by cancer. usually i think about my events/activities leaving matt shaking his head at me, he was always a little more "reasonable" than me and didn't agree with all my new age yogi ways but this one, he would have loved. doing yoga on the field of petco park was the perfect way to dedicate a practice to matt.
i forgot to mention one of the best parts of this event! it was held at Petco Park! the Padres beautiful home field! i actually went to the game the night before so i was kind of dreading heading back down town early on a Saturday but i had made it an early night and rose early excited to start my day with yoga with a friend. upon arrival there were lots of booths giving the usual yogi freebies; water, granola bars, and essential oils. we got in just as the event started and were towards the back of the field but could see the stage via the jumbotron. several instructors who had coordinated the event spoke and shared their personal stories with cancer and what prompted to create the event. the top fundraiser was given an award bringing in a whooping $5000. then a beautiful women got up to speak about her cancer journey. i am not sure of the specific type of cancer she has but she has had to relearn how to walk and had multiple rods put in her to replace her femur bones. after recuperating from all of this she went on to complete half marathons and continue her yoga practice. she recently found out that she has to undergo more radiation due to the another tumor found near her foot. as the tears rolled down her cheeks, i don't think there was a dry eye in the place. this woman was truly inspirational for all that she has overcome and for getting up there to share her story when it was so very raw in her heart.
one of the most touching parts of the class came next. the speaker announced that she would be asking a series of questions and to start ringing your bell that we were given upon entry into the event when the question applied to you. she started by asking that those who were currently undergoing chemo/radiation ring their bell... those that were one year survivors... those that were two survivors... those that were five year survivors and on... and eventually invited everyone who had been touched by cancer to start ringing their bell. As you can imagine, the whole class was ringing their bell in unison.
shortly after we started a wonderful yoga class suitable for everyone and allowed for a great workout under the warm morning sun. i was thankful to spend this morning with a friend to raise money for cancer and support the yoga community that has all been affected by cancer. usually i think about my events/activities leaving matt shaking his head at me, he was always a little more "reasonable" than me and didn't agree with all my new age yogi ways but this one, he would have loved. doing yoga on the field of petco park was the perfect way to dedicate a practice to matt.
the studio for the day
strong like warriors
yogi toes
yoga for hope 2014
me and meg!
namaste
Melissa
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