pet appreciation week! thank you miss lila!

i don't think there is anyway i could fully express how thankful i am to miss lila. hat little fur baby has truly saved my soul in so many ways. she is the one who i snuggled with after matt's death... she missed her papa just as much as i missed him. she let me drag her all around god's green earth to find happiness and never stopped smiling. now here we are in SoCal and both her and i don't think life could get much better at this point. as i stroll her around OB, i constantly hear, "that dog is smiling" or "that is the happiest dog in the world". my heart melts every single time.

one of the reasons i am so thankful for miss li is her ability to get me out and moving especially enjoying nature. i suffer severely from something known as doggy momma guilt. now let's be clear, i think lila has one of the BEST doggie lives there is.... i work from home and a five minute walk to the beach. yet everyday, i try to get her out on at least one doggie adventure and feel bad if i don't. it doesn't always happen but i sure as heck try. in honor of pet appreciation week, below are some of the adventures lila and i embark on frequently. i also included a "Get Fit Like Fido" workout courtesy of DogVacay, if you need some more structured ideas. lila and i don't have much of a formal plan we just follow our hearts and luckily due to the always 70 and sunny SD weather we can partake year round!

Yoga

i practice pretty much every morning whether it be prepping for a class or doing my own thing. i usually do this first thing in the morn in my yoga office or on the beach. lila always joins too! she isn't an early riser but usually hops out of bed when she hears me unroll my mat and sits on her pillow to meditate along with me. if we head to the beach she usually sits next to me as i asana on my beach towel or depending on the time of year and amount of lifeguards, she heads out for a bird chase. lila is always practicing her downward dog and truth be told, she's got me beat in that pose.

Running

recently i trained for a half of a half marathon. lila often went on runs with me. she definitely slowed down my time with sniffing and pooping but she loved coming out with me so much i let it slide. in chicago, she also trained with me on the lake michigan path. here we have so many amazing options for runs... often we do a quick two mile down to dog beach where she can run free or we head up to sunset cliffs for a four miler. when we get back she lays near me panting away as i roll away my aches and pains on a foam roller. she has even made some debuts like at the below when me, matt, and our families organized a team, Matt's Marchers, for the Path to Progress to benefit the ABTA. 

Hiking

this has been something we have been able to get into since moving here although we did the occasional hike back in dayton... there weren't a lot of options in the city. lila loves to hike and runs up these SoCal mountains with the greatest of ease. she will hike up five miles then down and finish looking at you saying, "what's next". she even knows when i get out my gear that we are headed out for a climb. i guess she can smell the plasticy water leaking from my camelback a mile away. 

these are just a few of our very favorite exercise routines but even a quick walk to grab a coffee with lila can change the entire outlook of my day especially since i am cooped up in my house all day working from home. although i am pretty good about exercising typically, lila helped me immensely during my early days of grief. a full workout wasn't possible but a quick walk around the block was and it got my endorphins flowing. so thankful for this pup in my life i don't know how i would have gotten through the past couple of years without here. be sure to checkout the doggy workout plan below! 

namaste

Melissa 

New Year New Life

As you have read, the holidays weren't that great for me. I am glad that they are over and I am actually looking forward to New Year's Eve. I mean, new year, new life, new dress? Why wouldn't I be? 

I hate 2012 with most of my being although I have to say there were still many many good times. There is a saying that goes a little something like this; "things can't get any worse". I foolishly used this statement in a year known as 2010. I remember it crystal clear... I was sitting at a rehearsal for a friend's wedding who would be married the next day on New Years Eve. A friend and I were discussing life as Matt had walked down the aisle to take his seat. He had a huge scar on his head from his 2nd brain surgery. He had surgery only about a week and a half prior but the trooper that he was, healed quickly and still made it to all of our holiday plans. My grandfather had passed away only a few months prior. A lot had gone down in only a few months. I shared with my friend that I was looking forward to the New Year because really how could things get any worse? 

So as I stand at the end of 2012, I realize that although I suffered the greatest loss of my life yet, I still have much to be grateful for and things could always get worse since you just don't know what tomorrow brings. Sometimes I struggle with the fact that more bad things will happen to me. I know this sounds pretty depressing and I still sound like a fool in 2012. Really, what I mean is that when you have dealt with an incredible amount of hardship by the age of thirty, you think surely this is it for me! Or more simply I just can't take anymore! However, I know this isn't true because mainly life is impermanent with many many ups and downs especially when you put yourself out there in any sort of relationship. While 2012 was defined by a very giant down, there were certainly some ups as well. So below is my list of Top 10 accomplishments and moments of 2012 and I encourage everyone to do the same! 

1. Hawaii - I made the trip to Hawaii that I never imagined I would take by myself. I originally went with Matt to Hawaii when my grandfather took my whole family back in Spring of 2007. We loved it there and were happy to hear one of Matt's friends would be having his wedding there. We discussed attending this wedding many times together and I knew if it was possible, I would get him to that wedding. Unfortunately Matt did not make it to the wedding. I missed him greatly and it was tough but I am glad I went.  I also know that Matt was happy I went to celebrate with his friends in his place. 

2. Turning Thirty - Not that I had a choice with this one or it was really an accomplishment but I turned thirty this year. While I never thought I would be where I am at thirty, I think I am making the best of it. I embraced the day of celebration and found the perfect way to enter this new era of my life...  a hot yoga class with my friends and family followed of course by some boozy Popsicles!

3. Fixing Stuff - I still have the initial inclination to call the handyman but then I remember how expensive that is and I at least give the home repair a shot. Yesterday, I put my heavy glass shower door back on track. A month ago, I changed all the light bulbs in my house including the super tall one above my front door. I also learned that not only are those fluorescent light bulbs better for the environment, they mean less changing of the light bulbs!

4. Blog - I started this blog and love writing. Who knew I had it in me? During Matt's battle with cancer, I was always pretty private about it all. Expressing my feelings with many friends and family has helped me immensely. Blogs helped me in those early days of grief immensely. Hopefully this helped another young widow out there. Sometimes when you are suffering a loss, the best thing is simply to have someone to associate with. It's true, misery does love company. 

5. Headstand - I won't bore everyone again by going on more about this but remembering that I set this goal for myself last year (January 1, 2012) and achieved it makes me happy. Can't wait to go to class on New Year's Day and chill in headstand for 10 deep breaths! And today, I decided what my pose goal for 2013 is, Handstand! Got into it this morn with the help of the Instructor!

6. Zumba - Somehow during all of the commotion I still showed up for my students and taught with love and passion. Not only did I teach but I attended Convention which was life changing. Then I went on to host a Zumbathon with an outpouring of support from friends, family, and students. We were able to raise over $4000 to benefit the ABTA. I think one of the best moments happened to me just about a week ago when one of my students came up to chat after class. She shared with me that Zumba was a huge stress reliever to her as her sister battled breast cancer. Mission accomplished. 

7. Plan B - Despite my life plans being turned upside down, I created a new plan and found a way to look forward to each new day. I am so ready for this!

8. New friends - Loss and grief truly rock you to your core. It shakes up everything you thought to be true which includes relationships with friends, family, and co-workers. Some friends and family have simply stepped up to be by my side like I could have never imagined. I have made many new friendships that simply wouldn't have happened unless I was in this situation. I also know what types of relationships are healthy for me and which ones I want to maintain. Thank you... you know who you are! 

9. I am a Good Dog Mama - Matt did a lot of the caring for Lila. He fed her, walked her, and took her to the dog park everyday. However, he knew he would be stuck with this when we signed up to adopt Lila. I found myself in charge of all these responsibilities. I know, people do this everyday and Lila makes my life that much better, but nonetheless it was a change for me. At first, I would forget to buy dog food and would have to make a last minute run to the pet store for the expensive stuff but eventually I learned to just buy the bigger bag! Lila and I figured it out and she is a happy little dog. Lila is still a legend at Wigglyville but her Papa is still greatly missed there. 

10. I was a supportive wife that stood by my man. My marriage lasted till death did us part. 

Here's to a wonderful, amazing New Year... as with all years there will be some ups and some downs but hopefully we can all move through it gracefully and appreciate the downs for what they teach us and enjoy the ups with a smile on our faces!

Namaste,

Melissa 

Zumbathon for the ABTA - December 1, 2012

I hosted a Zumbathon this past Saturday, December 1st to benefit the American Brain Tumor Association. I have wanted to do this for awhile but simply didn't have the time, energy, or power to put it together. Finally, I mustered up the strength to host this and I have to say I am beyond proud in how it turned out. On Sunday, I found myself thinking, when can I host my next Zumbathon? So between my headstand and the Zumbathon... I am still tooting my own horn and Zumbaing along as I do it! 

I loved every single minute of planning this as well, except the couple of hours leading up to it when I was nervous. But I kept it pretty in check throughout the planning process and told myself it was all for a good cause and if something, goes wrong... what's the worst thing that can happen?

I think the most amazing part of it all was how many people came together to support me and this event. And of course that we raised just over $4,200 for the ABTA! My friends certainly stepped up in many ways including; generating raffle prizes, finding photographers, asking how they could help, and of course showing up to Zumba even if they hate dancing or were incredibly hungover! Friends came from near and far and I was very happy to see so many of their smiling faces on Saturday. My family traveled from various parts of the country and not only made the journey but allowed me to boss them around the day of. Some family even brought their friends who were also quickly put to work. They had no idea what was in store when they rolled in for what was supposed to be a fun weekend in the city! The community also helped the cause by donating raffle prizes. Most of these were local business that I support so I appreciated them supporting me back. And of course my Zumba buddies came to help me instruct the whole thing! They were amazing to say the least and kept all 65 people moving the entire time! These are Instructors that I took my first class with, teach with, and met at Convention... I am so lucky to have the Zumba community by my side! 

The whole event was so moving and so much fun! It was wonderful to see friends try Zumba for the first time...to see Zumba enthusiasts come to party their hearts out.. and to hear everyone talk about all the Instructors and who got them groovin to the music... it was all so so amazing.

Thank you to all who donated, contributed, showed up, Zumbaed, shared, led, and made the day one of the best I have had in a long time. Certainly wishing we could do it all again this weekend! This was all done in honor of my always smiling love, Matt, in hopes that we can find a cure so no family has to ever endure this heartache again. Matt would have been so proud. I wonder if he would have actually Zumbaed? It made me giggle when I thought about him dancing around that gym. One thing I know, he would have been damn proud that I had a local pizzeria donate free pizzas!

Please check out the list of donors below and some special shout outs of thanks. Enjoy the pics that were graciously taken by Craig and Cory Stevenson. Check out what their company can do for you here...  bejustdesign.com.

Raffle Donors:
State Restaurant - http://www.state-chicago.com/
Ravenswood Fitness Center - http://www.ravenswoodfitness.com/
Comfy Fitness - http://www.comfyfitness.com/
Buddah Beads - http://tinyurl.com/bdr9n9y
Goran Coban - http://gorancoban.com/
Naked Pizza - http://www.nakedpizza.biz/

Special Thanks:
Julia Ralston
Lisa Proctor
Ashley Bussen
Gloria Crawford
Laura Hunt
Heather Burkey

Zumba Luv!

ZumbaMel

The Calm After the Storm

So I am writing which means I made it through another milestone. How did I fare? It went okay. It actually gave me some renewed hope for what is sure to be an emotional holiday season.

Friday I attended the mass to commemorate All Soul's Day. The church invited us to bring a picture of our loved one and I brought the picture of Matt posted below. This was taken on the sunset cruise in Aruba. I have to say, Matt had the best picture. It was sad to hear his name read especially given the rest of the church goes who probably lost their loved one at a more "typical age". I had dinner with friends afterwards and it was a nice way to spend the evening.

The following day, I went to my Zumba event and it was great and I learned a lot! Afterwards I went to a mall in the suburbs I had never been to before. Living in the city, I love a good mall. It didn't turn out well though. The juxtaposition between what I was going through and the material consumption was too much. I made a quick exit and had a breakdown in traffic on the way home. Traffic just has that effect. And mostly, I could hear Matt wondering why the hell I had gone to a mall in the suburbs on his birthday. He would have shaken his head in disbelief wondering what I was thinking. Not because he cared that's what I had chosen to do on his bday but why I thought it was a good idea to go to a mall in the suburbs on a Saturday afternoon.

That's the thing about Matt. He never felt a sense of obligation to this or that or doing what the world thought he should. He was true to himself and did what made him happy. Throughout his bday I wondered what Matt would want me to do? He would want me to do what would make me happy. He wouldn't want me to do this or that because that's what I should be doing. He just liked to see me happy. God love him. I am so lucky to have this example in my life.

So today is 8 months (or it was when I first drafted this on Friday, November 9th). After preparing for last weekend, I didn't have the energy to agonize for another. Right now, I am thinking it's just another day. Eight months doesn't seem that significant but when I think about nine that means more than half a year, almost a year! As I mentioned, after last weekend, I am feeling a renewed sense of hope. I was able to more positively reflect on good memories on this milestone instead of being incapacitated like I was on our first anniversary. I enjoyed making a list of birthdays celebrated and focused on happy memories. I can't describe how much this puts me at ease for the holidays. I know they will still be hard but at least I was finally able to move past the horrible deliberating sense of sadness to reflect on the positive. When you are in the first couple months of grief, it's impossible to find or see. You are simply to sad and stricken to see anything but that. People tell you at least you had so many good times and you just want to puke and tell them I am not done with the good times! Again, I will still need to prepare and take it easy on myself for the holidays but they seem much more manageable with some warm memories amongst the sadness.

I have also been making some exciting plans for the future which has kept me energized and looking forward to each new day. More to come on this. I will also be hosting a Zumbathon to benefit the American Brain Tumor Association on December 1st. Please find all the details here http://hope.abta.org/zumbathon. Putting effort into throwing a successful Zumba event for the ABTA has been an excellent way to channel my energy and I can't wait to see how it all turns out! The support that I have received from family, friends, and students has been amazing and inspiring. Thanks to all that are willing to travel to this event and volunteer your talents. Hope to Zumba with you on December 1st!

Namaste,

Zumbamel

Namaste