Wednesday, October 8, 2014

dying on your own terms? is it possible?

so you may have seen this video on your Facebook feed about a young woman who is 29, terminally ill and she wants to die on her own terms. i saw this appear on my feed on monday morning and  clicked on it without thinking about it too much. the video started to roll and a few moments later i was watching a young woman, Brittany, discuss her battle with brain cancer. she was initially diagnosed with the same tumor as Matt and then later was diagnosed with a tumor worse than the doctors initially thought, as a Grade 4 Glioblastoma. pretty much the worst word that you can hear in the brain tumor world and also what eventually matt's tumor grew to and took his life. she was given a few months to live and now Brittany wants to choose how she goes as the death of brain tumor patient has been explained to her and she doesn't want to go through this. she has moved to Oregon, where she can obtain a pill to end her life when she wishes without suffering. 

oh man. i quickly started tearing up as i was transported back to my life when i and my husband had to make similar decisions. her husband is also included on the video sharing his thoughts. so here goes my two cents on this obviously loaded emotional question...

 i think that anyone should be able to choose but i however, would never choose this for myself or for my spouse. i saw the devastating effects of a GBT play out on my sweet Matt. while i don't think he suffered in the end, he sure didn't live much of a life those last few months. and even though this may be true, i still couldn't suggest this. i think dying is a process for a reason. i have also seen my grandfather pass on and while the two were years and years apart, it was eerily similar. it seems to me that it is the way god or whoever or whatever intended it to be. that everyone needs this period to let things slow down naturally not only for them but for their friends and family. there were some very sweet, tender, raw moments in Matt's last few days that i would never give up for anything. and i now know what true love is. when matt passed, as awful as it was, it seemed to happen as it should. once matt couldn't live his life, he didn't put up much of a fight. i think his spirit knew when it was time to let go and find peace naturally. i just don't think i could give up on that one percent chance that my story might end differently, that i would be the one to show those doctors up. but then again, i couldn't even let the doctors tell me how long matt had to live. i wanted to try and live like it was our last moment together every moment. having an end date seems so so final. or maybe i just couldn't face the truth. 



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