6 years ago... (written on 7/11/15)

I married Mr. Matthew Calmes. It was a beautiful day filled with friends, family, and love. And fun... lots and lots of fun. As I sit here today in our little apartment a few blocks from the beach married to a new wonderful man, I simply can't believe it. Can't believe what has gone down in the past six years, lots good, lots bad, lots of life. One of my favorite apps alerted me to the upcoming anniversary a few days ago as it showed old posts from friends anticipating Matt and I's big day six years ago. Then the memories started waving in. As I sat at lunch today staring off into the sunny mid day mall traffic, I simply couldn't believe it. It felt like someone had bitch slapped me and told me that I was married to a great man, that man passed away, and now I live in California and am married to another amazing man. But I am and I am happy and I am so lucky to have found love again. It's not that I feel bad for being happy again it's that I feel so sad that Matt didn't get all the things that I am so looking forward to with Kyle; a house, kids, growing old together. It simply isn't fair that Matt didn't get all those things in life. Today I remember an amazing day six years ago and I am sure Matt's beautiful soul is celebrating wherever it may be.