Sunday, March 10, 2013

One Year Two Days and Counting

Yesterday or today marks one year based upon what time zone you are in. Leading up to this date I had spent quite a lot of time thinking about what day to observe this one year sad-aversary on. Since I had class on Saturday, I was really planning to observe this on Sunday so I could relax and let my heart take me where it wanted to on Sunday. In the end it has just felt like this date has extended over two days. Like the rest of the year, it's been a big giant blob of time. 

The night of March the 8th (Bali time) I found myself wanting to look through what I call my grieving tools which include old journals, calendars, and to do lists. I basically look through it all from the past couple of years to see where I was and what I was doing that particular day and the days leading up to it. I haven't had any of these tools since I moved but as you can guess I am fairing  fine without them. I think it gives me something to actively "do". Typically when I am hit with a grief wave, I feel like I want to do something to make it go away so having these tools gives me something to focus my attention on. The one tool I did have was music so I sat and listened to playlists that Matt had compiled for me.. deciphering their meanings with many tears shed. 

The next day I was feeling okay and headed off to class. As usual, it's good to keep the mind busy and I was content working on my practice and learning about the Yoga of Food until we started watching a film about how food can prevent and cure cancer. Although I agree with the majority of the information, I had to get up and leave the room for a minute, I felt like if I heard the word tumor or cancer one more time I was going to puke. I regrouped with some fresh air and headed back in to complete the day of coursework. I finished Saturday off with a relaxing Balinese massage and a healthy dinner at a vibrant local cafe. 

Sunday morning I woke up to lots of messages on Facebook which was heartwarming but sad at the same time. It was nice to hear from so many people being halfway across the world and could feel the love here in Bali. I again shed some tears before heading off to meet with a traditional Balinese Healer. 

I did not go to see the Healer from Eat Pray Love as I understand his prophecies have become a bit commercialized. This was a healer that the owners of my homestay use and were kind enough to share with me. We headed out early in the morning to be the first ones there. As we pulled up, it looked very similar to the one in the movie as it was a traditional Balinese compound which they also used in filming the movie. We waited for a moment before the Healer came out and told me to sit before him. I told him where I was from and he then told me to come sit right in front of him so he could conduct his tests. He pushed various spots on my head, neck and shoulders before asking me to lie down. I did as I was told and he soon started pushing on my toes naming various organs that those pressure points were responsible for. He then pushed on the pads of my toes and it hurt like heck! He told me it was because I worry too much that worrying was blocking my aura. He cleared my aura before again pressing my toes and it really did not hurt this time! He also asked if I was looking for something new... new boy new job? I said, yes, new life, and he told me I would now be happy well happier than I am. He shuffled back into the house to mix up an oil and instructed me to put on my back and neck. I felt lighter as I left and was pleased with the experience. I was really not sure of what to expect and I am still not sure of what happened. I am also not sure of what results to look for but I am all for anything that might clear my aura and make me happier! 

I got back to my homestay before heading out for a day at the beach. I headed with a classmate down to Sanur, a beach about 45 minutes away from Ubud. We lounged by the pool and it was a lovely day until I got back with my first Bali Burn. I put sunscreen on but I think the sun is just way too intense down here for me to handle for very long. Matt used to always tease me when I would lather up my legs with SPF saying your legs can never get burnt. Today the worst and most painful part of this Bali Burn are certainly my legs. I rounded the night out with a nice meal before heading in to get plenty of rest before another week of training. 

I am happy to have this two day sad-aversay come to a close and I felt that I have honored Matt in the best way possible today and more importantly in the past year. It is said that the first year is always the hardest and I agree the year of firsts has been difficult but only time will tell as to how I will fair in the next. I feel a lot of promise and excitement for this new era especially with a clean aura guiding me. For now, I pleased to have spent the weekend and year making Matt proud and showing him once and for all that your legs really can get sunburned. 



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