again. again I haven't written in a long time. i wonder why? it seems that since i started work i haven't had the energy for it. or the energy to sit at the computer after i sit there for eight hours a day. to give you an idea of how things have been going here the past few weeks here's a little story that seems to sum it up...
matt's car that i inherited has been generally running well but there have been a few hiccups and as we know hiccups with cars typically means spending a lot of money for something we know nothing about. so when an indicator light came on about a month ago, i quivered. it took me about two weeks before i actually got out the book to determine what the issue was. i was overjoyed to know it was just a headlight out. and in the meantime, i could just turn on the fog lights and see just fine. in about another two weeks, i went to napa auto parts to pick up a light. it was a busy day at work but i was determined to pick this item up after two weeks of procrastination! typically i sweet talk auto parts store workers into assisting me with such repairs but this guy was not having any of my funny business. and i was exhausted so i gave up rather quickly and i am not so sure my sweet talk was very sweet. i asked a few male friends and no one knew how to help (again where is that hunky tool man looking to help a damsel in distress). finally when the sand and dust had accumulated to an embarrassing level in/on my car, i pulled into my local car wash. it was a slow day and i asked if the guys could change the light and they more than happy to oblige! finally! i drove off and that night enjoyed the extra glow of the headlight. about one week later, the same indicator light turned. what the hell? i thought those car wash guys knew what they were doing! turns out they did, the other headlight is now out.
so yeah, it feels a little like i can't get ahead these days. matt's b-day was about a week ago and that brought with it a lot of emotion. i spent the day relaxing, playing with lila, and going to a concert of some of my favorite chant music with a dear friend. matt would have thought it was ridiculous but so were most of my crazy hair brained ideas and he still loved me. still it was emotional. and i think being back to a routine and most importantly not doing whatever the heck i want for 24 hours a day has really brought up those oh too familiar widow thoughts. it has made me miss sharing the monotony of life with someone. no matter how stressful or demanding your day is, coming home to someone who loves you and finding some silly or goofy reason to laugh, makes it all better.
now positive polly has to let you know that it's certainly not all bad here in San Diego as I got sun burnt on the dog beach on sunday, found a new group to hike with, and went wine tasting an hour from my home but it's been a challenging month and a half. it's definitely time to take a step back and re-evaluate. i made it out to San Diego (which i need to impress myself is impressive enough) and am semi-getting started on building a life here but what do i really want that life to look like? and with the holidays almost upon us, it's certainly a good time to do conduct some svadhyaya (yogi word for self reflection.