again. again I haven't written in a long time. i wonder why? it seems that since i started work i haven't had the energy for it. or the energy to sit at the computer after i sit there for eight hours a day. to give you an idea of how things have been going here the past few weeks here's a little story that seems to sum it up...
matt's car that i inherited has been generally running well but there have been a few hiccups and as we know hiccups with cars typically means spending a lot of money for something we know nothing about. so when an indicator light came on about a month ago, i quivered. it took me about two weeks before i actually got out the book to determine what the issue was. i was overjoyed to know it was just a headlight out. and in the meantime, i could just turn on the fog lights and see just fine. in about another two weeks, i went to napa auto parts to pick up a light. it was a busy day at work but i was determined to pick this item up after two weeks of procrastination! typically i sweet talk auto parts store workers into assisting me with such repairs but this guy was not having any of my funny business. and i was exhausted so i gave up rather quickly and i am not so sure my sweet talk was very sweet. i asked a few male friends and no one knew how to help (again where is that hunky tool man looking to help a damsel in distress). finally when the sand and dust had accumulated to an embarrassing level in/on my car, i pulled into my local car wash. it was a slow day and i asked if the guys could change the light and they more than happy to oblige! finally! i drove off and that night enjoyed the extra glow of the headlight. about one week later, the same indicator light turned. what the hell? i thought those car wash guys knew what they were doing! turns out they did, the other headlight is now out.
so yeah, it feels a little like i can't get ahead these days. matt's b-day was about a week ago and that brought with it a lot of emotion. i spent the day relaxing, playing with lila, and going to a concert of some of my favorite chant music with a dear friend. matt would have thought it was ridiculous but so were most of my crazy hair brained ideas and he still loved me. still it was emotional. and i think being back to a routine and most importantly not doing whatever the heck i want for 24 hours a day has really brought up those oh too familiar widow thoughts. it has made me miss sharing the monotony of life with someone. no matter how stressful or demanding your day is, coming home to someone who loves you and finding some silly or goofy reason to laugh, makes it all better.
now positive polly has to let you know that it's certainly not all bad here in San Diego as I got sun burnt on the dog beach on sunday, found a new group to hike with, and went wine tasting an hour from my home but it's been a challenging month and a half. it's definitely time to take a step back and re-evaluate. i made it out to San Diego (which i need to impress myself is impressive enough) and am semi-getting started on building a life here but what do i really want that life to look like? and with the holidays almost upon us, it's certainly a good time to do conduct some svadhyaya (yogi word for self reflection.
namaste
melissa
Showing posts with label Home Repairs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Home Repairs. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Monday, August 12, 2013
Where have all the real men gone?
Furnishing my new place has been a chore for many reasons. One of those being that most furniture these days requires assembly (even from the expensive stores not just Ikea!). Most men that I have asked quickly change the subject after noting their inability to operate a power drill. What happened to all the manly men coming to the rescue of a damsel in distress!
where is this guy when you need him?
namaste
Melissa
Monday, December 31, 2012
New Year New Life
As you have read, the holidays weren't that great for me. I am glad that they are over and I am actually looking forward to New Year's Eve. I mean, new year, new life, new dress? Why wouldn't I be?
I hate 2012 with most of my being although I have to say there were still many many good times. There is a saying that goes a little something like this; "things can't get any worse". I foolishly used this statement in a year known as 2010. I remember it crystal clear... I was sitting at a rehearsal for a friend's wedding who would be married the next day on New Years Eve. A friend and I were discussing life as Matt had walked down the aisle to take his seat. He had a huge scar on his head from his 2nd brain surgery. He had surgery only about a week and a half prior but the trooper that he was, healed quickly and still made it to all of our holiday plans. My grandfather had passed away only a few months prior. A lot had gone down in only a few months. I shared with my friend that I was looking forward to the New Year because really how could things get any worse?
So as I stand at the end of 2012, I realize that although I suffered the greatest loss of my life yet, I still have much to be grateful for and things could always get worse since you just don't know what tomorrow brings. Sometimes I struggle with the fact that more bad things will happen to me. I know this sounds pretty depressing and I still sound like a fool in 2012. Really, what I mean is that when you have dealt with an incredible amount of hardship by the age of thirty, you think surely this is it for me! Or more simply I just can't take anymore! However, I know this isn't true because mainly life is impermanent with many many ups and downs especially when you put yourself out there in any sort of relationship. While 2012 was defined by a very giant down, there were certainly some ups as well. So below is my list of Top 10 accomplishments and moments of 2012 and I encourage everyone to do the same!
1. Hawaii - I made the trip to Hawaii that I never imagined I would take by myself. I originally went with Matt to Hawaii when my grandfather took my whole family back in Spring of 2007. We loved it there and were happy to hear one of Matt's friends would be having his wedding there. We discussed attending this wedding many times together and I knew if it was possible, I would get him to that wedding. Unfortunately Matt did not make it to the wedding. I missed him greatly and it was tough but I am glad I went. I also know that Matt was happy I went to celebrate with his friends in his place.
2. Turning Thirty - Not that I had a choice with this one or it was really an accomplishment but I turned thirty this year. While I never thought I would be where I am at thirty, I think I am making the best of it. I embraced the day of celebration and found the perfect way to enter this new era of my life... a hot yoga class with my friends and family followed of course by some boozy Popsicles!
3. Fixing Stuff - I still have the initial inclination to call the handyman but then I remember how expensive that is and I at least give the home repair a shot. Yesterday, I put my heavy glass shower door back on track. A month ago, I changed all the light bulbs in my house including the super tall one above my front door. I also learned that not only are those fluorescent light bulbs better for the environment, they mean less changing of the light bulbs!
4. Blog - I started this blog and love writing. Who knew I had it in me? During Matt's battle with cancer, I was always pretty private about it all. Expressing my feelings with many friends and family has helped me immensely. Blogs helped me in those early days of grief immensely. Hopefully this helped another young widow out there. Sometimes when you are suffering a loss, the best thing is simply to have someone to associate with. It's true, misery does love company.
5. Headstand - I won't bore everyone again by going on more about this but remembering that I set this goal for myself last year (January 1, 2012) and achieved it makes me happy. Can't wait to go to class on New Year's Day and chill in headstand for 10 deep breaths! And today, I decided what my pose goal for 2013 is, Handstand! Got into it this morn with the help of the Instructor!
6. Zumba - Somehow during all of the commotion I still showed up for my students and taught with love and passion. Not only did I teach but I attended Convention which was life changing. Then I went on to host a Zumbathon with an outpouring of support from friends, family, and students. We were able to raise over $4000 to benefit the ABTA. I think one of the best moments happened to me just about a week ago when one of my students came up to chat after class. She shared with me that Zumba was a huge stress reliever to her as her sister battled breast cancer. Mission accomplished.
7. Plan B - Despite my life plans being turned upside down, I created a new plan and found a way to look forward to each new day. I am so ready for this!
8. New friends - Loss and grief truly rock you to your core. It shakes up everything you thought to be true which includes relationships with friends, family, and co-workers. Some friends and family have simply stepped up to be by my side like I could have never imagined. I have made many new friendships that simply wouldn't have happened unless I was in this situation. I also know what types of relationships are healthy for me and which ones I want to maintain. Thank you... you know who you are!
9. I am a Good Dog Mama - Matt did a lot of the caring for Lila. He fed her, walked her, and took her to the dog park everyday. However, he knew he would be stuck with this when we signed up to adopt Lila. I found myself in charge of all these responsibilities. I know, people do this everyday and Lila makes my life that much better, but nonetheless it was a change for me. At first, I would forget to buy dog food and would have to make a last minute run to the pet store for the expensive stuff but eventually I learned to just buy the bigger bag! Lila and I figured it out and she is a happy little dog. Lila is still a legend at Wigglyville but her Papa is still greatly missed there.
10. I was a supportive wife that stood by my man. My marriage lasted till death did us part.
Here's to a wonderful, amazing New Year... as with all years there will be some ups and some downs but hopefully we can all move through it gracefully and appreciate the downs for what they teach us and enjoy the ups with a smile on our faces!
Namaste,
Melissa
I hate 2012 with most of my being although I have to say there were still many many good times. There is a saying that goes a little something like this; "things can't get any worse". I foolishly used this statement in a year known as 2010. I remember it crystal clear... I was sitting at a rehearsal for a friend's wedding who would be married the next day on New Years Eve. A friend and I were discussing life as Matt had walked down the aisle to take his seat. He had a huge scar on his head from his 2nd brain surgery. He had surgery only about a week and a half prior but the trooper that he was, healed quickly and still made it to all of our holiday plans. My grandfather had passed away only a few months prior. A lot had gone down in only a few months. I shared with my friend that I was looking forward to the New Year because really how could things get any worse?
So as I stand at the end of 2012, I realize that although I suffered the greatest loss of my life yet, I still have much to be grateful for and things could always get worse since you just don't know what tomorrow brings. Sometimes I struggle with the fact that more bad things will happen to me. I know this sounds pretty depressing and I still sound like a fool in 2012. Really, what I mean is that when you have dealt with an incredible amount of hardship by the age of thirty, you think surely this is it for me! Or more simply I just can't take anymore! However, I know this isn't true because mainly life is impermanent with many many ups and downs especially when you put yourself out there in any sort of relationship. While 2012 was defined by a very giant down, there were certainly some ups as well. So below is my list of Top 10 accomplishments and moments of 2012 and I encourage everyone to do the same!
1. Hawaii - I made the trip to Hawaii that I never imagined I would take by myself. I originally went with Matt to Hawaii when my grandfather took my whole family back in Spring of 2007. We loved it there and were happy to hear one of Matt's friends would be having his wedding there. We discussed attending this wedding many times together and I knew if it was possible, I would get him to that wedding. Unfortunately Matt did not make it to the wedding. I missed him greatly and it was tough but I am glad I went. I also know that Matt was happy I went to celebrate with his friends in his place.
2. Turning Thirty - Not that I had a choice with this one or it was really an accomplishment but I turned thirty this year. While I never thought I would be where I am at thirty, I think I am making the best of it. I embraced the day of celebration and found the perfect way to enter this new era of my life... a hot yoga class with my friends and family followed of course by some boozy Popsicles!
3. Fixing Stuff - I still have the initial inclination to call the handyman but then I remember how expensive that is and I at least give the home repair a shot. Yesterday, I put my heavy glass shower door back on track. A month ago, I changed all the light bulbs in my house including the super tall one above my front door. I also learned that not only are those fluorescent light bulbs better for the environment, they mean less changing of the light bulbs!
4. Blog - I started this blog and love writing. Who knew I had it in me? During Matt's battle with cancer, I was always pretty private about it all. Expressing my feelings with many friends and family has helped me immensely. Blogs helped me in those early days of grief immensely. Hopefully this helped another young widow out there. Sometimes when you are suffering a loss, the best thing is simply to have someone to associate with. It's true, misery does love company.
5. Headstand - I won't bore everyone again by going on more about this but remembering that I set this goal for myself last year (January 1, 2012) and achieved it makes me happy. Can't wait to go to class on New Year's Day and chill in headstand for 10 deep breaths! And today, I decided what my pose goal for 2013 is, Handstand! Got into it this morn with the help of the Instructor!
6. Zumba - Somehow during all of the commotion I still showed up for my students and taught with love and passion. Not only did I teach but I attended Convention which was life changing. Then I went on to host a Zumbathon with an outpouring of support from friends, family, and students. We were able to raise over $4000 to benefit the ABTA. I think one of the best moments happened to me just about a week ago when one of my students came up to chat after class. She shared with me that Zumba was a huge stress reliever to her as her sister battled breast cancer. Mission accomplished.
7. Plan B - Despite my life plans being turned upside down, I created a new plan and found a way to look forward to each new day. I am so ready for this!
8. New friends - Loss and grief truly rock you to your core. It shakes up everything you thought to be true which includes relationships with friends, family, and co-workers. Some friends and family have simply stepped up to be by my side like I could have never imagined. I have made many new friendships that simply wouldn't have happened unless I was in this situation. I also know what types of relationships are healthy for me and which ones I want to maintain. Thank you... you know who you are!
9. I am a Good Dog Mama - Matt did a lot of the caring for Lila. He fed her, walked her, and took her to the dog park everyday. However, he knew he would be stuck with this when we signed up to adopt Lila. I found myself in charge of all these responsibilities. I know, people do this everyday and Lila makes my life that much better, but nonetheless it was a change for me. At first, I would forget to buy dog food and would have to make a last minute run to the pet store for the expensive stuff but eventually I learned to just buy the bigger bag! Lila and I figured it out and she is a happy little dog. Lila is still a legend at Wigglyville but her Papa is still greatly missed there.
10. I was a supportive wife that stood by my man. My marriage lasted till death did us part.
Here's to a wonderful, amazing New Year... as with all years there will be some ups and some downs but hopefully we can all move through it gracefully and appreciate the downs for what they teach us and enjoy the ups with a smile on our faces!
Namaste,
Melissa
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