then came the 4th of July. whenever we talk about living in the USA and the freedoms that we have, i can't help but think of the freedom that i was given during that first year of grief. i had the freedom to take some time off from work to let myself heal. and most importantly, i had the freedom to get up and move to wherever my heart desired. i know i take these types of freedoms for granted on a daily basis so it's nice to have a day to reflect on how good i really do have it.
and alas, another anniversary was upon me. my should have been 5 year wedding anniversary with matt. I think this was a significant one for me as i have now been without Matt for more wedding anniversaries then we were together which seems impossible. there were some nerves/emotions building up to the anniversary but these days i try not to get lost in it. i had quite a few nightmares this past week and some of them included matt leading to some restless nights. the day of, i woke well rested which i was very appreciative of. then it hit me... what day it was... what had happened five years ago today. i went to my usual morning routine of journaling and pulled out my journals from the past two years to see how far i have come. mostly it just seems unfair to me... that this wonderful man didn't have the chance to live out more of his life. that he couldn't be here married to the woman that he loved raising a family. it just isn't fair that this was taken from him. i had a hair appointment that day and was ready to be pampered but as i sat getting my hair shampooed, the lady next to me was complaining about everything in her life.... her kids, staying home with the kids, driving, being married, and everything in between. i had to restrain myself from saying something to her on this day when it felt those daily annoyances of life between matt and i had been stolen. so to celebrate our wedding anniversary... take a moment to relish in those daily annoyances that you share with someone... you never know when you will miss those with all of your being.
making a nice dinner to celebrate our 1 year
2 year anniversary camping at the sand dunes state park in MI
july 11, 2013