bah (half the bah humbug this year)

 i am about halfway through my second holiday season and well it's been rough but cheerful at the same time. it has been more of a sneaky rough. a i will get in the christmas spirit and decide to decorate only to cry in middle of the target aisle filled with cheap stockings and no tree stands. i will wake up the next day and hunt the greater san diego area for those box full of tangled ornament hooks only to get frustrated with a haggard christmas store worker to elation after speaking to real life elf telling me about his life partner. yep all in the day of the life of a 30 something widowed grinch.

no but really i have found some of my christmas spirit this year and it has been a blessing. life is so different out here that to even get in the christmas spirit you have to manufacture it. at least for a midwest girl, these 70 degree temps tell me i won't be waiting for a white christmas.

but i forged ahead and even put up my first real christmas tree this year! i had the room and pulling out the fake christmas tree that Matt and i put up for a few years just didn't seem enticing. i am finding new SoCal Xmas traditions including admiring christmas trees on piers above the pacific and driving to the mountains to see snow... how cute!

i also signed up for a bootcamp through Corepower. yep the same studio chain that i went to in chicago. bootcamp is a three week four day a week bootcamp training. it is circuit training with no yoga but the strength moves that target muscle groups you use in yoga. and while it's been a HUGE time commitment, i am so happy i made this commitment to myself and dealt with the the stress of the season a more healthy way. and while i have certainly been a basket case a time or two in the past couple of weeks, i am absolutely feelin in the flow.

my real live christmas tree basking in the san diego sun

namaste

Cindy Lou

Cindy Lou Who?

Wow this sucks. No other words for it. No way to sugar coat it. This sucks and I just want it to be over. I know I know I should never wish away the days but I am done and ready to move on from this holiday season.

Last night I did have some Christmas joy as I visited an old friend, her husband, and her two adorable children. There were a lot of laughs, a few good cries, and everything in between. I brought the kids a couple of Christmas gifts which included How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Suess. I am sure you have all seen many forms of this beloved Christmas tale. It's a classic for a reason. The kids had seen the Jim Carey version many many times but this was the first time reading the book. I delighted in reading this to their little girl especially when she went on and on about Cindy Lou, you know the little girl that turns the Grinch's heart...

Matt used to call me Cindy Lou because of my love for the season. We met shortly before Christmas in 2005 at our work holiday party. He sent me a beautiful bouquet after our first date as a Christmas present. I will never forget this moment. The doorman called to tell me that I had flowers and I didn't believe him! Very good move on his part. My mom was there too so he earned extra bonus points by impressing my Mom. The next Christmas I lived in a little place that I had decorated and we celebrated Christmas before we parted ways and headed to our respective homes in the Midwest. The following year we were living in our first apartment together. Matt quickly saw my enthusiasm for the season as I pulled out the decorations and put on my Santa Hat. He dubbed me Cindy Lou and we went on to start celebrating Christmases together in Wisconsin or Ohio every year. There were many good times in both places. This year we would have gone to Wisconsin and I am missing his family in their very fun Christmas Eve celebration. I will never forget taking part in my first White Elephant there. I didn't know people bought good presents like OPI nail polish, BBQ sauces, and the ever popular six packs. My ornament quickly became the present left at the end of exchange. One year we went to Navy Pier to see A Christmas Carol at the IMax. We enjoyed the movie and afterwards Matt wanted to show me something and led me to the Winter Wonderland. An old hangar that was filled with tons of Christmas cheer and lights. He took me there simply to see my eyes get big with the glow of Christmas and revel in my joy of the season. Last year, we headed to Zoo Lights at Lincoln Park followed by dinner at a nearby restaurant. This was probably my last real date with Matt when he was somewhat himself. 

I am so thankful for all of these joyful memories but Cindy Lou is not doing so well today and I don't think she could stop the Grinch if she tried. I didn't hang up one Christmas decoration and didn't buy any gifts aside from those mentioned above. Very few Christmas cards were sent. I couldn't face Church tonight with all the families dressed up in their new sweaters and dresses and the overall merriness. This is probably the first time I haven't gone to Church on Christmas EVER... my Catholic guilt pushing me on in this downward spiral. Right now if I saw that Grinch slithering down the chimney, I would stay in my heap on the couch and watch him take it all begging him to leave the Baileys.