It has been awhile since I posted, I have wanted to update but I have been busy and sometimes it takes so much time to get these thoughts out correctly! But mostly it was because I was at the Zumba Convention last week! I was busy packing up all my Zwear, dancing the day away, and now buzzing around with all that positive energy. It was an amazing experience to say the least and I can't wait to share this with you!
As I state in my Bio, I am not only a Yoga lover but a Zumba lover. They are very different formats but very similar at the same time. I adore them both because they allow me to escape my thoughts. I was certified in September 2010 and secured my first class at DePaul Fitness Center in January 2011. I have been teaching there ever since and teach at a couple of other facilities as well. I continued to teach while Matt was very ill. Family and friends were gracious enough to come provide me relief so I could get out and teach my classes. I can't put into words how much this meant to me and how much it helped me during this time. The great thing about teaching is that it forces you to live in that very single moment. If you start thinking about your to do list, picking up the groceries, or any of the other ten million things running through your mind... you miss your cues and moves. Then soon enough a class of 40 people are marching in place not having any fun wondering what the heck happend to their fun Zumba moves? And anything that forces me to live in the present moment, I am down with. And isn't that the goal of yoga as well?
Way back in late March (or at least it feels like eons ago), as I was sitting in a Adirondack chair at the ashram, I perused the Convention website and thought why not? Seems like a it could be a good adventure. This was a completely new thought to me as I had said previously, "Hanging out with thousands of screaming women is not my idea of a vacation! I prefer to vacation with my hubby on the beach."
This made the whole excitement of the convention a bit of a mixed bag for me. I would NEVER be going to this convention had Matt not passed away. It's the point in grief where you can feel yourself starting to to find happiness in something. Then you feel bad. You realize this happiness wouldn't have existed had your loved one been there. What a strange miserable feeling to ruin a good moment. The night before I left, I was high strung to say the least. All the excitement and the weird emotions... I was amped up. I feel this anytime I travel somewhere. Totally excited yet totally depressed and scared. The next morning as I traveled to Orlando I kept thinking to myself, "I feel like I am going to puke up a rainbow." Kind of a weird expression but makes sense if you have ever attended any Zumba event.
I made it safely to Orland and immeaditly feel in love with the convention. I was so busy going to different classes, meeting people, Zumba-ing, having a drink by the pool that I didn't overanyalyze my life for the next three days! Priceless. Amongst the chaos I still found time to chill by the pool, read a book, and watch TV in my king sized bed. I journaled as well but my analysis of my emotions seemed confined to that space. I did still find myself thinking, I can't wait to tell Matt all about this. Wow, would he have loved the stories, the pictures, and the characters. Matt never Zumba-ed himself but he was proud of me and I think proud to say he was married to a Zumba Instructor.!And he really loved when I started turning a profit (even including all my Zwear and Lululemon expenses)!
The other great thing about the Zumba convention, no one needed to know my story. I was there because I loved Zumba, as was everyone. No more questions to be asked. Being away from home, a shrine to my old life was also great. Going back to a space that wasn't so charged with emotions was very relaxing.
All of these things and the wonderful amazing people I met made for an amazing convention. One that I am so grateful for. There was SO MUCH positive energy. I have been bouncing around all week trying to figure out how I can bottle it up and keep it going. I keep telling myself, Rome wasn't built in a day, I can't become the best Zumba Instructor overnight! I also keep telling myself, do what makes you happy. And make time for those things that make you happy.
As I shared, I would have never done this given different circumstances, it's hard to realize that you are enjoying something that you never would have experienced if your loved one was here. My first option is no longer available. What I thought my life would like at 30 just isn't that. I have to deal with that and I did that this past weekend. I had fun and didn't feel guilty about it. I am so proud of myself. I will go on to have happy moments again that are carefree and joyful.
Check out some of the highlight pics below and here comes my shameless plug... Shape is having an Inspirational Zumba Instructor Search.... vote for your fav Instructor (wink wink) here.... http://www.shape.com/vote-zumba/instructors-list. Till next time Peace, Love, & Zumba!