I am not sure how I am feeling today. Overall this week I have been feeling better. Just like I don't why I am sometimes so down, I don't know what changed to make me feel better. Perhaps it was a trip to Ohio for Labor Day to visit with family and old friends. Perhaps it's the passage of time. Perhaps it's the changing season. All I know is that I have felt lighter and more positive. At the end of each day, I haven't felt like I was run over by a Semi Truck. I am tiptoeing around hoping that this lasts for awhile. I am no fool, I now know how grief works and I know there will be more bad days. But today, I am not feeling as bad. This doesn't mean that I don't think about Matt or miss him every second of every day. It just feels different. So today at the 6 month mark, I am trying not to let a specific day get me down or ruin my positive streak.
On this perfect fall day,I am trying to enjoy it like Matt would. I did a lot of things Matt loved this weekend; rode my bike, took Lila to the dog park, hung out with friends. I also swept up the patio, that was Matt's chore. He used to tell me that the outside was his responsibility and the inside was mine. If you have ever been to my Chicago condo you know that wasn't a fair division of duties. When he would sweep it up he would be so proud, getting mad if I didn't mention it immediately. He would be proud of how nice the patio looks with all my flowers. I am also enjoying the start of NFL. Again, I am no football fan but it just didn't feel right not to have it on the TV. So I have the game going on surround sound as I putter around getting my chores for the week done. Yesterday a friend asked me if WI won, I felt so connected to Matt at that moment. They asked me because they knew I was keeping up with WI for my man. God I miss him enjoying this day with me.
Lila Enjoying the clean Patio
I wanted some sort of a checklist to see what kinds of things I should be thinking about at the 6 month mark. I know, how Type A, Accountant of me. I didn't want to compare myself to anything, again I am no fool and know that the grief timeline is different for everyone. I just wanted some ideas of things to think about as a check in. I did a quick google search and didn't find anything but saw article after article stating that grief typically diminishes after 6 months. I don't know about all that but I am focusing on the thought that last week was better, I am feeling okay today and hopefully will tomorrow.