Like I said, I felt off all weekend and was just tired. The overwhelming feeling was guilt about being happy. I know, I know, he would want me to be happy but it's still a feeling that I have to go through. Mostly I think, I was just frustrated from feeling this way. I mean, I worked so hard to get here, to get to this place of peace. It didn't come to me, I did everything I was supposed to do and more. And here I am happy but feeling guilty for it. How could I be when all this happened? When he isn't here and he didn't have this chance to enjoy life. Then the irritation for being made to feel guilty of my hard work. So anyways, it's a complicated sense of emotions. And by Sunday night with the time change throwing me further off, I was ready for bed and ready for a new week of hope in my little beach bungalow.
biking into the sunset
me before the pain and the final product