Wednesday, December 26, 2012

The After Christmas???

Well again I made it through another huge first by myself. I am feeling the after effects of Christmas but definitely not in the usual after Christmas blues or sales kind of way. More of an I just laid around and did nothing but ate, drank, and felt sorry for myself for the past five days. I certainly can't forget my acting as a grumpy Scrooge acts as well. I know being lazy and eating a ton is pretty standard for the holidays but I just haven't been myself. Typically I am pretty energetic and I at least get up and work out a few days over the holidays but not this year. 

After a sluggish Christmas Eve, I woke up on Christmas Day to volunteer at a homeless shelter for women and families. It was a nice way to start the day and I guess if this is the only real thing I accomplished over the past five days, then I should be proud. After that I hung around my Grandmas eating and hanging with my family. I have to admit I had to take some time outs to sit in my room quietly with Lila. We opened presents with the most fun part of the day watching my second cousin open presents with delight. She is the only little one in our family so she steals the show. After presents I headed to the movie theater to see Les Miserables with my Mom and soon to be sister in law. I had bought the tickets a couple weeks ago since it was opening yesterday and I was looking forward to it. I saw the play on Broadway when I was there on a high school trip but didn't remember much. It turned out to be the perfect dark love and war story for my own dark love and Christmas story. I know the songs had a lot of different meanings than what I attached to them but I certainly found myself lost in some of the lyrics of the solos. Below is an excerpt from "I Dreamed a Dream" sung by the character Fantine (played by Ann Hathaway in the movie); 

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
As they turn your dream to shame

He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

Yes, this is really dark but it's where I was yesterday on my first Christmas without Matt.  

Today on Boxing Day, I am still sitting in Ohio as I was snowed in by the Midwest storm. Yesterday I was kind of hoping for another day with the family laying around so it was an added bonus although there was certainly some annoyance to reschedule appointments, missing another day of work, and not teaching Zumba. Really, I think it was just what the doctor ordered. But now I can safely say with the major family holidays behind me along with five days of being a slug... I am ready to pick up with life again and get back on track with the game of living. I know there is still New Year's to bear but I have a hot new dress and I need to get to the gym to look good in it! Then it's on to big plans for the New Year! So I guess the holidays weren't all that bad since I am getting back out there and thinking of the future but with all that said I still have to wish you a Merry Fucking Christmas! 

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