Be the Change You Want to See in the World

While in New York City this past weekend, I had the opportunity to visit the 9/11 Memorial. The memorial isn't quite finished but the two memorial pools are and construction has begun on the seven towers that will occupy this space. Perhaps you noticed the skyline pic in my last post which included a very tall building under construction, this is one of those towers . Like the rest of our country, I was horrified and sad after the events of 9/11. I understood the catastrophe in a new way after reading The Alchemy of Loss, a book about a 9/11 widow. After enduring my own loss and grieving, it was almost unbearable to think about all those that had to suffer through grief after the attack. Not only did they have to grieve the losses of their loved ones but they had to know that someone caused it and that is an emotion I couldn't begin to imagine. 

I felt especially emotional staring into the reflection pools after last week's tragic events in Boston. Yet another monumental act of hate and violence that is too much to comprehend. Lately, I have been taking a slightly delusional approach to news of such events. Most Americans sit glued to their televisions watching the suspects being chased down or listening to stories of the victims. I don't watch it and sometimes avoid the news programs altogether. I want to stay informed but typically choose to scan the internet to get the facts that I need. It's almost as if I can't even think about it.  

It's not only that but I don't know how to change it and it frustrates me. I also get this feeling when watching documentaries of how messed up the medical system, how awful the food is that we eat every day, or how we are destroying the planet. When things are seemingly such a mess, where does one begin? Then as I turn off the news or take a deep breath, I realize I am doing all that I can. I am living my life in an honest way enjoying the moments that I have with gratitude. I am not perfect but I try my best and really that's all we can do. We can't control anyone else's action the only option that we have is to lead by example. In the great words of Mahatma Gandhi, "Be the change you want to see in the world."

Namaste,

Melissa 

I'm Back!

And you didn't even know I was gone right? I returned from a long weekend in NYC visiting a friend yesterday. It was a lovely trip filled with lots of walking the New York City streets with blisters to prove it and checking out some of the current health trends. I even got to check out YogaWorks, a national teacher training program that has a few studios across the country including NYC. They have a 500 Hour Teacher Training program in San Diego which could be a possible next step in my yoga world domination but I better start teaching first! Check out some shots from NYC below...

Me on 60th Street

View of the city from New Jersey

Enjoying tulips in Tribecca

Lincoln Center

A walk thru Central Park

Lots of New Yorkers enjoying Central Park

NYC Tree Pose from Jersey

I was slightly mad to jump on a plane so soon after my 40 hour journey home but I wanted to visit my friend before I headed across the country. There is no time like the present! The first week back from Bali was spent adjusting and I am lucky that I had the time to do so. The weather was the biggest and most difficult change. Not to diss on the Midwest but it was cold and dreary here. Everything in Bali was so green and lush it was a major recalibration for my eyes. But spring is trying to push through here with a high weather prediction of 70 degrees today and due to my grandma's love of gardening her grass is looking very green! The other adjustment was food. I was used to eating so healthy and really enjoying it. When I got back all the preservatives and additives made me sick so I got to smoothie making very quickly. The fruit isn't quite as fresh but it will have to do for now. Can't beleive I almost forgot this change which was really the worst... the jet lag! I am all better now though if you consider being in bed by 9pm and up by 6am normal!

I have been a little overwhelmed since I got back. After learning so much and realizing there is so much out there, I didn't know where to start. I just wasn't sure which direction I wanted to go. I learned that you have to leave things up to God/the Universe (whatever you want to call that higher power) but at the same time you have to put some effort into it... where do you draw the line? I can't really start teaching because I need to teach in a place where I will live. My mom is going to be on a strict class regimen while I am home but that's about the best I can do on the teaching front for now. If there are any Daytonians that want yoga classes from yours truly please let me know! I have been putting a lot of thought into this and would really like to try this blogging/writing thing so I will be putting more time and effort into this as I chill in Ohio for a bit. Let's see where this goes... universe I might be taking the lead for awhile feel free to take charge at any time! 

Namaste

Melissa 

End of the Line

It's hard to believe but it's the end of my Bali adventure. My two month journey has come to an end. It has been; amazing, life changing, breathtaking, challenging, scary, fun, and many many more emotions I am sure I am forgetting to list. 

Today is also the thirteenth month sadaversary of Matt's death. Ironically I began this trip on February 9th and ended it on April 9th. Although the date of the 9th typically makes me cringe, it didn't even register with me as I was planning this trip. Perhaps it was the excitement or perhaps it was just meant to be. 

As I pack my bags and look back on the past year, I have to question how am I doing? My life has changed so much in just one year. I am very proud of myself and all that I have accomplished. It's hard to put a label on myself since my feelings, emotions, thoughts change so much from moment to moment... This too shall pass ... sorry to whoever originally said this quote, I can't find your name online and I have a flight to catch! One thing that has been reconfirmed every step of this journey is that moving to San Diego is the best decision for me at this time and I am truly following what has spoken to me. I am very much looking forward to moving and another new adventure. 

I have to thank everyone that has helped me to get to where I am today. All of my friends and family have been so supportive of this trip. I have to especially thank Matt for this opportunity. Without him and this chain of events I wouldn't have taken this trip. Sometimes this is hard to comprehend but I also know I am were I am supposed to be. I am also so greateful for those that I met at my yoga teacher training. They made this trip that much better and I now have friends across the world (and another friend from Ohio as randomly one of my classmates is also from Ohio)! Everyday I started my meditation thanking all those that helped me to get me here.

Today I woke up and went to my last yoga class in Bali. It was a Bikram class so it was difficult as always but peaceful at the time same time. I drank one last green smoothie although I vow to drink these when I home! Then I headed to the beach for a lunch by the ocean and I had one last thing I wanted to do. I  had brought some of Matt's ashes with me and was waiting for the right time and place to spread them. Nothing had spoken to me until I realized it was the end of the trip and my time left to do this was short. Spreading Matt's ashes in the Indian Ocean on April 9th seemed the right way to end this trip. 

I can't spend too much thinking what will happen when I get back, I am throwing it out to the universe... let's see what it comes back with. I leave you with the lyrics to End of the Line by Traveling Wilburys, one of Matt's favorite tunes. 

End of the Line by the Traveling Wilburys

Well it's all right, riding around in the breeze
Well it's all right, if you live the life you please
Well it's all right, doing the best you can
Well it's all right, as long as you lend a hand

You can sit around and wait for the phone to ring
Waiting for someone to tell you everything
Sit around and wonder what tomorrow will bring
Maybe a diamond ring

Well it's all right, even if they say you're wrong
Well it's all right, sometimes you gotta be strong
Well it's all right, as long as you got somewhere to lay
Well it's all right, everyday is judgement day

Maybe somewhere down the road aways
Youll think of me, and wonder where I am these days
Maybe somewhere down the road when somebody plays
Purple haze

Well it's all right, even when push comes to shove
Well it's all right, if you got someone to love
Well it's all right, everythingll work out fine
Well it's all right, were going to the end of the line

Don't have to be ashamed of the car I drive
Im just glad to be here, happy to be alive
It don't matter if you're by my side
Im satisfied

Well it's all right, even if you're old and grey
Well it's all right, you still got something to say
Well it's all right, remember to live and let live
Well it's all right, the best you can do is forgive

Well it's all right, riding around in the breeze
Well it's all right, if you live the life you please
Well it's all right, even if the sun don't shine
Well it's all right, were going to the end of the line

As Always... 
                  Namaste

Mountain Mama

Yet again I have proven that I do not like roughing it. On Monday I departed Gili T to head up northwest to the mountain town of Munduk. It was about a three hour drive and it was beautiful but I knew it wasn't the ideal spot for me as soon as I arrived. I had booked a homestay for the next three nights and had a little house/room to myself on the back side of the property. I was starving by the time I arrived and knew I didn't want to be wandering around at night so I quickly found some dinner. I retreated to my room and the bug sounds began, I knew I was not alone. 

I tucked myself under my mosquito net and read a book to hopefully drift off into a safe slumber. Behind my cottage I could hear a large group of European teens playing cards. I was slightly annoyed but also happy to know that people were around. I finally drifted off when I awoke to a very loud bug sound. I wondered if it was actually in my room but was half asleep so I decided to go with it not being in my room to hopefully get some more rest. Despite my growing fear, I fell back asleep until I was again awoken again by the European teens. Two girls were in the cottage next to me and upon their arrival to the cottage, they screamed when I would assume they found a creepy crawler. They ran to find one of their male travel companions to kill the bug. I laid in fear as I now knew I wasn't the only one concerned with the bug situation. Then the sound was back. It was loud and engulfed my whole cottage, it felt as if the world was coming to and end. 

Now there is nothing in this world that makes a widow miss her husband like the onset of bug danger while laying in bed. I again had that feeling of what the hell am I doing. I wondered what I should do. Should I go find the owners to kill the bug? Then I realized I didn't even know where to find someone for help which further pushed my downward spiral of fear. I realized that I must lay there and hope that the bug wasn't dangerous. Really, I didn't have another choice either. So I laid and counted the hours until 6am when I knew it would be light. 

I finally drifted back to sleep and awoke a couple of hours later. I hadn't heard the bug in awhile. I picked up my Iphone flashlight stashed by my pillow and did a quick scan of the room and there I found a big giant cricket type creature. It looked relatively harmless but there was just no way that bug could be roommate. So I took it down. I laid in my bed and felt a bit delirious. I was wondering if I had even killed the bug as I had been having dreams about killing bugs. The next morning my suspicions were confirmed when I found the evidence in the toilet. I am still feeling bad about taking this defenseless bugs life but I was operating on fear. 

I jumped up eagerly at 6am to enjoy the daylight as the creepy crawlers made their retreat. I had planned a hike for the day with a guide and was looking forward to this as I tired to ignore the possibility of more bugs. I also made the executive decision to head back south that day. I just couldn't spend another sleepless night in that cottage. I enjoyed the hike to two waterfalls with my knowledgeable guide, Nyoman. The waterfalls were spectacular as were all of the mountain views. I also got to try some Kopi Luwak. If you don't know what this is, it's poop coffee. The Balinese feed the luwak (a cross between a fox and a cat) coffee beans and the cat poops it out. They then process those beans for an expensive cup of brew. I saw the luwak up in the mountains and after our hike we sat down to enjoy a cup. A Balinese lady served us the coffee and then sat down to chat with Nyoman. Soon I saw here wiping her eyes. Nyoman shared that she had lost her husband only two months ago in a motorbike accident. He shared with her that I had also lost my husband. We gave each other a knowing look as neither of us could speak each other's language. Widowhood needs no words, it is a universal feeling despite cultural differences, language barriers, and geographic distances. 

I headed back to the beach after my hike and checked into an air conditioned hotel with plenty of wifi and luxuries to go around. I don't know if it makes me a bad yogi but I really enjoy some of the niceties of life. I don't think I take it for granted but I am just more comfortable here. I also love the beach and feel naturally in a better state when I am by the water. I am getting tired of packing and lugging my suitcases so I will be spending the rest of my time here in Seminyak. Its a beautiful beach town with plenty of beach space and activities. It is more touristy but I truly believe a place is what you make of it. I took a bikram yoga class this morning. It felt great and there are plenty of healthy eating options around. Tomorrow I am finally trying surfing! Can't believe this trip is almost over but looking forward to getting back to begin plans for the second half of my move and of course to see friends and family and especially my Lila!

View from the Mountaintops

If I hadn't roughed for the night... I wouldn't have been able to do this! Yipee! 

A Luwak working on his delicacies 

Namaste, 

Melissa 

Words from an Official Yogi...

It's official! I am a 200 Hour Certified Yoga Instructor! I took my exam on Wednesday and received my certificate that evening at our Graduation Celebration. I have thought about doing this for so long and so proud and happy that I finally acheived my goal! 

So how do I feel now? Am I enlightened? Am I a Yogi? I certainly feel like I have changed. I don't think a month long class can really every begin to touch what being a yogi means and our Teacher agrees. Being a Yogi and living this way is a life long challenge and goal. Living in Ubud has made it easy to make healthy spirit lifting choices. Once I am in back in the real world is where the real work starts. 

I now feel that I have a lot of the building blocks to learn more and go further on this spiritual journey. I learned so much in the past month and wanted to share so much with my blogging world but there simply wasn't enough time in the day. I hope to delve into some of these topics further in the next few weeks. As we always said in class, take from it what you want. You don't have to believe everything but at least consider it and let it open your mind. 

Right now I am on the island of Gili Trawangan staying at a beautiful beachside resort with some of my fellow classmates. The island is part of Lombok, another Indonesian island. To get here we had to take a one hour taxi ride from Ubud onto an hour boat ride onto a 15 minute donkey ride. Yep, a donkey ride, there are no motor vehicles on the island! Sometimes it's nice to go back in time (with wifi still available of course). My days since graduation have been spent laying on the beach, eating, and relaxing perhaps take in some snorkeling and paddle boarding in the next couple of days. I promise I will get some meditation and yoga in too! 

As I sat back taking in the beauty of my new accommodations, I felt that familiar pang. Matt would have loved this place and sharing this luxurious room with me. If only we would have been able to enjoy the Gilis' together. He would also be proud and happy to say that he was married to a yoga teacher! Of course he would be pushing me to get out there and turn this around to be a profitable venture as well!  

Being after the year mark has proved to have it's own unique set of emotions. Primarily just realizing that it has been a year and that I now have a whole new year of memories that don't include Matt. On St. Patty's Day as I looked at the pics of my friends on Facebook enjoying one of Chicago's biggest drinking holidays, I couldn't help but think about all the St. Patty's days Matt and I spent together and remembering back to one year ago and the freshness of my pain. This time last year, I was recuperating on the beaches of the Bahamas at the yoga ashram. Clearly I have a pattern of healing on the beach with yoga. 

I will be staying on the island for the next few days before heading up to the mountains to see yet more natural beauty of Bali. Also planning for some more beach time before heading home on April 9th. Wishing everyone a Happy Easter... so many good memories of celebrating Easter with Matt's family in Wisconsin. 

Matt and I celebrating Easter for the first time in Appleton, WI... enjoying the day at High Cliff Park

My Nanny and I at Easter Brunch last year

Sunrise over Gili Trawangan this morning  

Namaste,

Melissa 

Yoga Teacher Training on to Week 3!

I can't believe that I am already entering Week 3 of my training! And that I have barely had time to write about it! I have been busy with training during the day, studying at night, trying holistic healers, eating delicious food, getting spa services, and just loving Bali. 

Even though the course is already a week away from being over, I wanted to take a moment to share a little about my training. I am doing my 200 hour course through Shades of Yoga (www.shadesofyoga). The first week started out with correcting postures and building strength. I thought I was walking into the course in pretty good shape after teaching Zumba and practicing yoga almost daily. While I wasn't completely out of shape there was a lot of improvement to be made and I really needed to increase my strength to hold my poses in correct alignment. The course has focused on core and this is definitely an area I need to strengthen! The second week was spent further improving basic poses and also exploring additional postures including; backbends, hip openers, and inversions. We typically have an hour class to start and end the day with theory, philosophy, and discussion in between. Of course so meditation and breath practice is also included. This week we are upping the anti with an additional hour of asana as my classmates and I practice teaching. Today was the first day of this and although it's taking some getting used to, it felt amazing and I am loving it! 

There has also been plenty of svadhyaya. Yep now that I am on a Yoga Teacher Training, I can use all the fancy terms! This means self inquiry or looking inwards towards oneself. I knew this would be part of the course and knew that it would be be the perfect time to do so as I transition into this next era of my life. The training also covered the Yoga of Food where we discussed many different principles of eating healthy according to several different diets. Once again, I thought I ate relatively healthy for the most part before arriving here but still have a lot of improvements to make. I have incorporated many of these modifications to my diet here and can already feel the effects on my body. 

All in all I have already made a lot of change both physically and mentally. I feel absolutely wonderful and am in a pretty much constant state of contentment here in Ubud! Life is good looking forward to learning more the last week of training and then off to enjoying some rest and relaxation! 

Yoga Room at Taksu Spa 

Namaste,

Melissa 

Nypei... A Day of Silence in Bali

I had read about Nypei before I arrived in Bali but had forgotten about this custom, upon my arrival I was quickly reminded. As I was driven from the airport to Ubud I kept seeing giant statue like creatures that were for the most part half naked. I wondered to myself what these were before being told that I would be here for Nypei and these were the ogoh ogohs! 

Nypei is the celebration of the Balinese New Year and was celebrated today on March 12th this year. Last night, a parade was held of ogoh ogohs carried by the children of Ubud village. The ogoh ogohs are made to represent the bad spirits and the parade is held to thank these spirits for their help in the past year but asking them to please go away for the next year. After the parade, the ogoh ogohs are burned as an extra precaution to rid the year of any evil doings. 

The day after, the whole nation of Bali goes silent to trick the spirits into thinking the island is now deserted and there is no one to haunt. It is also used as a day of reflection and contemplation. Everyone is to remain at their homes and quiet. Electricity is not to be used (luckily my homestay didn't adhere to this completely and I had WiFi) and no work is to be done. I had to gather up water and snacks yesterday to prepare for the day.  I have been at my homestay all day and if I was found on the streets I would be jailed. The airport even shuts down for the day. Tomorrow, the Balinese will go to family and friend's homes to ask forgiveness for any of the prior year's wrongdoings. 

Nypei is a wonderful holiday to experience in Bali. Again, when you visit this country you can't help but be amazed and intrigued by the observance and love of the Balinese. Think of the United States trying to enact such a holiday. Instead we spend our new year drinking as much as we can, feeling like crap the next day, eating everything in site, and making empty promises. 

As a traveler, once could be annoyed to be shut in all day but I tried to embrace the spirit of the day and used some of the day for contemplation to look back on the year and where my journey has brought me. One thing that I have struggled with while I have been here is the fact that I wouldn't be here in Bali attending this training if it weren't for Matt's passing. It is truly the yin of my yang. At times I have even found myself angry in my sweaty little room missing my comfy condo in Chicago snuggled up with Matt and Lila knowing I am really here for only one reason. I have had fleeting moments of these thoughts but mostly it makes me even more appreciative of the fact that I am here understanding what I had to go through to get here. 

Check out some pics of the Ogoh Ogohs below and of the children carrying them... if these don't scare away the evil spirits, I don't know what will! 

namaste

Melissa